How to Tell If Your 9th–11th Grader Is Engaged in College Planning—and What to Do If They Aren’t

For many families, college planning feels confusing long before senior year. Parents worry their student isn’t doing “enough,” while students often feel overwhelmed by a process that still feels far away and abstract. 

Understanding what healthy engagement looks like at this stage (and how college visits support it) can reduce stress for everyone involved. 

What “Engagement” Really Means in Grades 9–11 

One of the biggest misconceptions in college planning is believing that an engaged student should already know: 

• What they want to major in 

• Where they want to apply 

• What their “dream school” is 

Early engagement is driven by curiosity, not certainty. 

A student in grades 9–11 is engaged when they are: 

• Asking questions (even basic ones) 

• Starting to form opinions about college 

• Willing to talk about the idea of college as a real future step 

They do not need answers yet. They need exposure. 

Signs Your Student Is Engaged 

Engagement often shows up quietly. Look for signs like: 

• Asking questions about colleges, majors, or campus life 

• Reacting to information with opinions (“I like that” or “That’s not for me”) 

• Being open to conversations, even if they feel unsure 

Stress or uncertainty does not mean disengagement. In fact, it often means the student cares. 

Signs Your Student May Be Disengaged (or Overwhelmed) 

If your student: 

• Avoids the topic of college altogether 

• Says “I don’t care where I go” 

• Shuts down during conversations 

This is usually not laziness or lack of motivation; instead, it may be a sign that the process feels too abstract, too big, or too intimidating. When college feels imaginary, it’s hard for students to invest emotionally or mentally. 

Why College Visits Are One of the Most Powerful Engagement Tools 

This is where college visits can make a huge difference. 

College visits help students: 

• Visualize themselves as a college student 

• Understand what campus life looks like 

• Identify what they like and what they don’t like 

Once students step onto a campus, college stops being an idea and starts feeling real. That shift alone often increases motivation and engagement. 

Importantly, visits are not about making decisions early. They’re about building awareness. 

The Bottom Line 

For students in grades 9–11, college planning should: 

• Build confidence 

• Encourage curiosity 

• Feel manageable and realistic 

College visits play a critical role in helping students visualize their future, understand themselves better, and gradually engage in the process—without rushing decisions.