Parents: Support Your Student Don't Do the Work for Them

As college admissions experts, with decades of experience, we have noticed some trends we caution parents to avoid. Every parent wants the best for their children, that’s natural. But there is a fine line between supporting your student and you doing all the work. Students need encouragement and support to stay on track in the college admissions process, but they also need ownership.

Let Them Take the Lead

College admissions is a stressful time and your instinct may be to get everything done for your child. Please don’t. It is really important that your student go through this growth process as the lead, not the follower. They are gaining life skills including organization, time management, the maturity to accept some rejection, as well as the chance to fully analyze what will best serve their future. Every application you complete, email you write, or problem you solve, is one less opportunity for them to learn how to navigate adulthood and robs them of a big opportunity for personal growth. 

We frequently speak with college admissions professionals, and one message is consistent: too many students arrive on campus lacking the independence and life skills needed to successfully transition into college. They have relied on their parents to manage deadlines, solve problems, and make important decisions. The college application process is the perfect time to start building those skills. If you do everything for your student now, who will do it when they arrive on campus? 

Be Supportive but Don’t Rescue

College admissions is a highly emotional time. Your student will be juggling a lot, needing to revise essays multiple times to have a submission ready product, studying for an SAT or ACT, and of course they are building their college list. Be a good sounding board and discuss family priorities like budget, geographic constraints or anything relevant to building a solid college application plan. Your student will likely face rejection from some colleges, they may not get into their dream school, or even be rejected by a likely one. Resist the urge to rescue them from every disappointment, instead, teach resilience by helping them recover from setbacks and reset for a successful future.

Avoid the Comparison Trap & Celebrate Growth Not Prestige

Every family knows someone whose child was accepted to an elite university. Try to avoid comparing your child to someone else's admissions outcome. So many factors go into a college acceptance, so generally comparison only creates unnecessary anxiety for all of you. Remember, your student’s best admissions outcome isn't necessarily the most prestigious acceptance. Essential College Coaches can help you find the Right-Fit colleges for your student.

 As the application stress ramps up, sometimes you will need to offer encouragement, sometimes you must ask the difficult questions, or give difficult answers. In one short year, your student will be on a college campus without you by their side. The ownership they take during the admissions process today will give them the confidence and independence they need to navigate college successfully from day one.